Hummingbird
by ghikiJ
Summary: Would you always live in the past? Or are you willing to live in the present and face the future? Rated for language Oneshot.


Another one shot! I can't seem to stop writing one shots haahahahah. Maybe because I only write when I'm the mood and/or something popped in my head. This particular one is kinda strange...even for a fic that I wrote. This would be the first time I tried writing in first person and I think Sasuke's a little OOC. But then I want to tell you that we really don't what he is thinking. The only thing we know is how he talks. Let's just say that this is my take on what's going on in Sasuke's head. Of course this is a future fic too and I tried to alter his personal a bit since a lot of time has pass...

Anyway, enough of me babbling...Enjoy!

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Hummingbird **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

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Finally finished, damn, I swear on the grave of my clan that the Hokage is trying to kill me, mission after mission. I'm dead tired. I've been in two S-class missions twice in two months. I knew I should've not come in this goddamn village. I should've just killed myself when I got the chance before they were able to capture me after the confrontation with Orochimaru. Damn it.

I could curse about all the 'what ifs' in my life but I'm so dead exhausted that I can't even feel my legs. I'll just report to that damn Tsunade later, I need rest. I looked around. I knew that I'm really close to Konohagakure no Sato but I'm not in the mood to see that lazy ass Hokage. I don't want to socialize with those annoying people either. After all those weeks of being in a solo mission, I can't get enough of being alone.

Maybe I'm suffering from social phobia or maybe I just plain find them annoying. I don't give a damn. I'm not the kind of person to walk up to a person and say 'how fair the weather is today.' If I want to admire the weather I do it by myself.

Alone, as usual, I found myself in the Sakura tree garden, just outside of the town walls. I didn't even know its spring already till I noticed the pink flowers that adorned the trees. As long as I have missions, I don't pay attention to time, she does. They have just blossomed it seems, nothing is falling from the flowers yet. Maybe after a few weeks they would, I could almost hear her saying that too. I sat down the base of the largest tree and relaxed. I took a deep breath and just observed the branches above me swaying with the breeze.

Somehow, I felt as If I've been here before, in a garden filled with cherry trees. And somehow, I knew that my experience in this place wasn't the most joyful I've ever experienced. The place is beautiful, I'll admit that, but I feel like this place…is something that's so right yet so wrong. It's so goddamn familiar…it annoys me.

I am a really observant person and I didn't miss the hummingbirds flapping their wings at 200 beats a minute. They were so busy flying from tree to tree to get nectar or catching the occasional fly or mosquito to have some protein in their diet. I'm sure glad that only I know this side of my personality. Damn, I don't even know what I'll do if the others find out that Anbu Captain Uchiha Sasuke, 28 yrs of age, is still watching birds. Those goddamned morons, they'll do anything just find out anything unusual about me. Idiots, if they only mind their own goddamned business, life would be much simpler for all of us. I sighed and leaned my head against the trunk.

I sensed the surroundings with my chakra, just to sense if there's an intruder to my solitude. I found none, thank god for once. With my eyes closed, I could create a picture of the hummingbird in my mind, still concentrating to get at the juiciest flowers before the others could get to it. Here goes my curiosity again. I shrugged and opened my eyes. Maybe I'm really observant about the simplest things because I've always been exposed to complicated ones. Yeah, that's it. That's the only logical reason.

I shifted my arms just to get a better, much more comfortable position. If I'm going to take a nap here, might as well wake up later without cramped arms and a stiff neck. I still couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness in being in this place. I then felt my elbow hit something. I looked down and saw a small stone pillar. I wanted to hit my goddamned self. How could mistake this place? This is where she now lays. This is her final resting place. No wonder the scenery looks so familiar.

Yes, I was married. Somehow, even to me, it's hard to admit that I actually got married. Been a couple of years since she died and I've tried so hard to forget the pain. Forgetting where she was actually buried for a time just proves that I tried too hard. I fingered the stone tablet. This place has been so untouched that bits of moss were growing on stone. The wedding band we shared was still tied to it apparently, although it's obvious that years of being exposed to the elements has taken a toll on the red band. I still couldn't figure why she didn't want to put her name on the stone. She told me that she didn't want to in case she didn't make it out of the mission alive. The hell! She prophesized her own demise, I should've listened to her. I gritted my teeth.

I could still remember it so clearly. Kunais and Stars flying, entrails falling and blood being sprayed all over like water in a garden sprinkler. I sighed. It was understandable…to a point, it was a SX-class mission and we knew that one of us was not going to make it out alive.

I sighed. So much for having a peaceful afternoon, this will leave me sleepless for a couple of nights again. I leaned back on the trunk of the tree, absently touching the wedding band that was tied to my arm. I sighed again. Am I that insensitive? Forgetting my wife's tomb, I think, is a clear indication of that but, Am I really? Personally, I think that I only forgot about it because, in my mind she's still alive. I did love her; I really did but that accident happened. I was so goddamned stupid. I was supposed to be her protector but she ended up protecting me instead. I took my face in hands.

I could still see her that morning, before we have set out. Full of energy, vigor and optimism, she was bouncing around camp, cheerfully encouraging the lesser experienced Anbu Nins to not be nervous. She was Anbu too. I didn't think that she'll be the one to be taken out of that attack or even thought that she'll just pass away, considering her abilities with healing. I could still remember when she got stabbed…I could still—

"Sasuke-kun…?" I heard a familiar voice say, "I should've known you're here." She then let out that eerily familiar giggle.

I looked up at her and nodded my head, "Sakura, what are you doing here?" I asked. I was surprised that she got me off-guard, maybe I'm really tired. The perpetual humming of the bird's wing wasn't helping either.

"Tsunade-shishou is probably looking for you right now." She said cheerfully. Her smile would've been perfect if that hummingbird would stop flying around her face. She didn't seem to notice though.

"I'm not really in the mood to see her right now, Sakura." I said to her, my gaze was still on the damned hummingbird. "I just got back from a mission. I don't want another one."

I saw her looking at the tombstone and then on my arm, where my wedding band was tied. I could feel her frown even though I'm not looking. I always had that sixth sense when I'm around her, it's weird, and I always seem to have a knack of knowing what she's doing.

I then heard her say, "Are you alright…?

I shrugged and said, "Of course I am, why wouldn't I be alright?" I then looked intently at her for a moment and, after a moment, averted my gaze.

She sat down right beside me, on my other side, "You should move on, you know?" I looked back at her. She has her gaze locked on the grass just beneath her feet.

I, too, then locked my gaze on the daisy that was growing just beside my right foot, "I…can't. How can I?"

She rested her chin on her upturned knee, "Hmm…I guess I understand..."

I only nodded.

"But you can't go on like this…"

"Hey I'm alright. I'm fine…" I replied, my voice lower than I thought it was.

She was silent for a while. After a few moments she said, her voice back to their usual cheerful self, "Sasuke-kun…I'm glad you changed. I guess your revenge helped out afterall."

I'm kind of glad she changed the subject but the one that she introduced was a sensitive topic to me, and I think even more so than the first one. I returned my gaze back at her, only to see her smiling. I wanted to chuckle. Every time I looked at her, she always wore that smile of hers. Just before I looked away, I saw the hummingbird still flying around her, like a small red sprite that couldn't leave her alone.

Did I really change? If so, is it for better or worse? I'm sure that I've been talking way more than I could've imagined when I was a kid. This is something I'll have to think about later. But then again, it has been for ever since that Sasuke existed. That Sasuke was a fool, a coward and selfish. I'm glad that, bit by bit, I'm shedding the skin that that Snake, Orochimaru, wrapped me in all those years ago. I'm glad…I think.

"I…guess." I answered. I remembered that I was tired when I couldn't stop myself from yawning. I guess Sakura's energy really goes through a person. When she arrived, I forgot why I was really in this place in the first place. I came here to rest, but apparently my past has this bad habit of always catching up to me. I blinked my eyes and continued my statement, "But in the end..." I sighed, frankly I don't want to remember what I was about to say next.

I felt her frown again. Never in my life would I understand why she cared so much about me. Even in our childhood she did and apparently she doesn't want to stop. It's been a couple of years since I really talked to her. We were torn apart, per say but I didn't understand the reason why we would meet in certain times. She also picked up a habit of popping out of nowhere. It's as if she's a spirit, a ghost or maybe an angel. Damn it, I can't think straight.

With her voice lower than before, she murmured, "What happened happened Sasuke-kun...nothing can change it anymore."

"I'm supposed to protect...!" She cut me off though.

"So is that the reason why you pushed..." she trailed off and sighed. I knew what she was going to say though.

I nodded yes.

She leaned her pink head on the tree too, and looked up. The hummingbird flew from her side back to the flowers that it was once so interested in. She closed her eyes for a moment and shifted them back at me. They were shining as usual. Her orbs were always shining. They're always so ethereal.

I moved my eyes from her to the forest of pink around me. I was never really good in keeping eye contact with another human being anyway. I looked around. Damn, there are more hummingbirds than before. I suddenly felt light touch on my right arm.

"I guess this wound didn't heal very well." She whispered while she's fingering a long scar on my right forearm. She is, afterall, a great Medic-nin, when she healed, she healed without scars. It was a great inconvenience she wasn't there anymore when I got the wound.

I breathed deeply, "Some random Medic stitched it up after…"

"It's from that fight?"

I nodded yes again.

"Such a horrible reminder…this is probably one of the reason you couldn't go on, isn't it?" she asked.

I just shrugged, "I don't know but it's there." I yawned again.

She giggled, "You're really tired aren't you…?" I looked at her, that annoying hummingbird was flying around her again.

I furrowed my brows for a moment then nodded.

"Then take a nap for a while. I'll wake you up later. I won't recommend you to meet Tsunade-shishou without any energy, especially when Naruto's in town."

I leaned my head against the tree for the umpteenth time in the past hour. I don't know why but I'm getting sleepy by the second. I'm not really sure if I'm just so damn tired or she just did a sleeping jutsu on me. Unfortunately, I think it was the latter. I felt her light, almost feathery touch on my right arm again. I felt her warm chakra through the long forgotten scar that I obtained from the kunai that killed my wife. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Knowing that she's the only person I could really trust I let myself drift off. Just right before I lost consciousness, I saw the hummingbird once again, flying over her left arm, the same arm that has a wedding band on it.

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"_Sasuke-kun…"_

_Someone's calling me but I couldn't answer. I couldn't hear my voice. I screamed…and yet I can't hear it. What's happening? I then felt the feeling in my throat coming back. "Who are you?"_

"_Why are you married to a lifeless woman?"_

_I opened my eyes and there she was, standing in front of me, with her short hair billowing in with the wind, cherry blossom petals danced along with her locks._

"_Answer my question, Sasuke-kun, why are you married to a dead woman? Why did you marry a dead woman? Don't you have dreams of reviving your clan?"_

_I was still sitting under the tree, I couldn't stand…or more precisely I don't want to. I think that if I make a move she'll disappear. _

_She then looked at me with those shining green orbs of hers, "Aren't you really going to answer? I'm really certain that being married to me wouldn't give you any children."_

_I looked down and whispered, "I know that…but I think its better this way."_

_She tilted her head and asked, "Why?"_

"_I don't want to…spread this cursed blood anymore. The Uchiha line was finished even before I started craving for revenge."_

"_Years ago…" She said, "I would've given anything just to hear you say that. Just to know that you're not going to leave Konoha but…"_

_I felt a tidal wave of regret wash over me, "I was…young…foolish…stupid."_

_She sighed, "Sasuke-kun…"_

"_I don't know how to repent for all I've done…not only to Konoha but to everyone I've cause…everyone…including you…especially you."_

"_It's all in the past…live for the present, Sasuke-kun. I don't have much more time."_

"_You're leaving…?"_

"_I have to…Sasuke-kun…I don't want to see you like this anymore and I know you don't want to suffer anymore too…I've come to take you're pain away…I've come to take my memories. That would be the last time I would sit with you..."_

"_Why…?"_

_She giggled, "Because I know you're a person that would rather live in the past than move on. You've missed out on so much in our childhood…You should make up for it, Sasuke-kun."_

_I gritted my teeth. Do I really want to forget? The answer is simple, I looked back at her…straight into her eyes, "I don't want to forget…"_

"_Then promise me…" she said solemnly, "Move on…get a life of goodness sakes!"_

_I chuckled. She then suddenly appeared beside me, I said, "I'll try…"_

_She then smiled that bright of hers and said, "That's enough for me…"_

_We sat there in complete silence. She then started humming…and I just listened. I know that this would the last time I'll be able to hear her voice. Her voice that used to annoy me but now comforted me. I just savored the moment and then, as soon as it started, the moment ended._

"_I have to go…It's time." She whispered._

_I nodded to her. She smiled._

"_I love you Sasuke-kun…"_

"_I know…"_

_She then stood up and started walking away. Her form started fading…_

"_Thank you…"_

_She then bounced and turned back at me, "How many times do you have to say that to me?"_

_I smiled at her, "As much as I need to say…"_

_She giggled again and waved her hand, "Goodbye…" She turned back around and started walking away. She walked away towards that pink Eden where petals always fell, where it was always spring. I know that if someone deserved to be there…it's her._

_And with that…she faded.

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I felt something feathery tickling my face. I heard that annoying humming in my ear, too. I slowly opened my eyes and yellow light came flooding. I squinted. It's already afternoon, apparently. How long have I slept? I sat up with a jolt. Was that all the dream? If it was then I'm sure glad that I dreamt about it. I felt relieved, now. It's as if tons and tons of guilt, regret and sorrow were gone. I never felt like this before. Is this what she has wanted me to understand ever since that fateful night…?

I guess it was and I'm so damn stupid to absorb her lesson and to understand what she meant. But did I deserve her kindness? I've done nothing but cause her pain. Even her death was my fault and yet…she still wants me to be happy. That's what she has always wanted for me, I now understand that.

I sighed and looked straight at the source of movement and sound. It was the hummingbird. It was still picking off the late afternoon insects that fly around the Sakura flowers. Its red plumage shone against the reddish gold rays of the setting sun. It then dashed over to the branch of a nearby tree after catching a few bugs. It was then I noticed that it had a nest on that over hanging branch. It stopped for a moment there and went back to me again, to catch more. I can hear its chicks chirping hungrily from where I was sitting. I closed my eyes again…

'Was this your plan too?' I asked the woman that is now my guardian angel, 'Do you want me to know that even though bad, horrible things happen…life goes on?'

I felt the hummingbird closing in on me again. It then hovered just in front of my face, tilting its head at me. It was then I understood. I slowly stood up. The hummingbird renewed its quest for nectar and insects. I felt for that comforting squeeze of the wedding band on my arm. I felt the texture of the cloth; it was the same as it always was. I then noticed that my scar was gone…That long gash that was placed there by the same blade that took her away from me was gone. I gazed at the stone tablet that stood erect under the cherry tree. The mossy wedding band that was tied there has disappeared and in its place was…

_In this Garden of Eden_

_In your darkest day_

_And in your even darker night_

_I'm always with you…_

_-Kunoichi_

She didn't like putting her name there. I think maybe it's because in the formal burial ground for heroic nins, her name was marked clear. Or maybe…in this place she didn't have to. I looked for the hummingbird again, for I can't seem to hear its wings beating anymore. It was nowhere to be seen. I looked at the branch where its nest was. It wasn't there. I smirked. Her and her playful antics...no doubt if she does that again this place would be called haunted. I could hear her giggle if she heard me say that.

I turned my back on the tombstone and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I slowly made my way away from it. I suddenly felt stopping and I did. I took one last look back and smiled.

Thank you…

I then slowly left the Garden of Dreams…

If you're wondering what my wife's name was…I suggest looking at the surroundings. Her very name is what keeps this place so beautiful.

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_**We, for the most part, want to live in the past**_

**_When times were great and you had every thing under control_**

_**When times were a lot simpler**_

**_When all you had to worry about was trying to find an excuse when you get into trouble_**

_**But then we all grow up**_

**_Time never stops for anyone and it's our responsibility to keep up with it_**

_**Unfortunately not all of us are as adaptable**_

_**And requires help to catch up**_

_**One thing is certain though**_

_**When you're lost…**_

_**Look around you**_

_**And you may find an answer**_

_**I did…**_

**_A little birdie showed my path to me

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Fin

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Okay...I know are you confused? Heheh...I'll just leave what really happened to your imagination. Truth to be told...it's not clear to me myself but I tried describing everything as best I could.

Thank you for reading  
RXR!


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